An Eye For Sai

PART 1 OF A SERIES OF ARTICLES THAT GIVE EXPRESSION TO PEOPLE’S EXPERIENCES OF THE OVERARCHING UNITY OF THE DATTA TRADITION AND ALL OF ITS MASTERS. 

I grew up in a Christian household. As early as I can remember, my mother was instilling in me the urge to have faith in God through Christianity. We started going to church on and off for a few years in my preteens. One time during Sunday class, everyone had a Bible in front of them except me, and the students knew where to open the Bible to how to find the stories that we were learning. That is where I started to question things a little. I wondered why is no one teaching me the history or showing me where to open the Bible. 

At around the age of sixteen, I started to feel that I don’t deserve to talk to the God that I was presented with. It was a feeling as though I needed to be perfect otherwise I would go to hell. But in my heart I felt God would love me unconditionally. I never turned atheist, but soon I became caught up with friends, working, etc., and forgot about such things. 

As I was turning twenty-one, a big shift started taking place in my life. I was becoming curious about things that I was told were a ‘no no’ in Christianity growing up. I decided to take the leap of faith that I can move towards what excites me without necessarily going to hell as a result. I became curious about crystals, psychic stuff, tarot cards and astrology. I even used to do guided meditations to try and meet my spirit guide. I was really looking for a good friend that I could have telepathic connection with. I didn’t know Masters existed at this point and I did not meet my ‘spirit guide’ yet. 

One day I decided to learn about various religions of the world so that I could find my own path and what made sense for me. I thought that I’d start with Christianity since it was my birth religion. However, I became curious about where meditation comes from and I came across the Upanishads. I have no idea how I found them but I started reading some of them and felt that THIS IS IT! This is what I believe! 

I then started comparing Advaita Vedanta to Christianity. I also got curious about yoga and went through a yoga teacher training in 2019 but it was not the best environment. Things started taking a sour turn in my life. The yoga training environment was stressful and I had no place to turn to for peace as things were not going well in my home or work life. My friendships and even the romantic relationship I was in were also taking a turn for the worst. 

I opened up to a friend about what was happening to me and he told me to pray to Lord Hanuman. I realised that I was seeing Lord Hanuman everywhere at that time and soon after I looked up art of him on Pinterest. Among hundreds of images of Lord Hanuman I saw one of Shirdi Sai Baba. My first thought was: ‘Who is this man?’ When I clicked on his image, quotes with Baba started appearing. These quotes were talking about exactly what I was going through. I began to cry so much. I felt as though he was seeing through me and I felt so much love.  As I was blaming myself for everything in my life, one quote with an image of Baba said: ‘Don’t blame yourself unnecessarily. You can’t be wrong every time. Keep your mind away from all these and only remember me.’ After that moment, every time I would see Baba I would begin crying. I started to meet other Sai Baba devotees and one of them told me about the Sai Satcharitra and sent me Mohanji’s videos. 

Several months later, my health began dropping. I went to the doctors and they told me that everything was fine with me. But I became very anxious and couldn’t understand why my energy was so low. It was so low that I would need to leave work early on some days. At night I began reading the Sai Satcharitra and Baba would come into my dreams and answer some questions for me. I also listened to Mohanji’s videos and read his quotes a lot during this time. Almost a year later, my health had not improved and my anxiety was at an all time high. I noticed that the only time I felt at peace was when my mind was focused on Sai Baba. But I felt troubled because I didn’t understand what was happening to me and I cried to Baba asking him to please send me someone that I could talk to. 

I wanted Baba in another form or for Baba to send me someone that I could trust. I then felt that maybe Mohanji could be my Guru because he is connected to Baba and I trust him. More time passed and I saw that Mohanji was coming to the USA. However, I couldn’t make it to his Pennsylvania event and it was the only one on the list. I accepted that it wasn’t my time to meet him yet but the longing to see him was still there. I began planning a trip to Sedona, Arizona, and thought that I would read Devi Mohan’s blogs about her visit to Sedona to get an idea of what I can do during my travel. Something in me told me to check Mohanji’s website one more time to see his events. I saw that he was going to be in New Jersey and New York the next week. I screamed for ten minutes straight. I was in shock! My family was asking me who this man was that I was screaming about! 

I couldn’t decide which event to go to, so I told Baba that I’m going to email Mohanji USA team and then whichever event they respond to me about, I’ll go to that one. When they replied, they sent me a flyer of the only Satsang in New York and I decided that I would go to that one. 

The next day, my mother said that she wanted to go and my immediate response was defense. ‘Why do you want to go? You aren’t into these things!’ And she said that she’s curious to see what I’m into and wants to see the man that I’m so excited about. I realised that my mom was also probably meant to go and I let my defensiveness leave. Thank the Lord she drove me to the Satsang to meet Mohanji, because it was raining and I would’ve been too excited and nervous to drive!

On the way to the event, I saw a street that said ‘Yeshiva’ and I felt I’m going to meet Shiva. I got to the event and saw the back of Mohanji. I was so happy and feeling so good even to just see his curly locks. He sat on the chair and everyone began asking questions. With fifteen minutes left of the session, he asked if anyone else had questions and I raised my hand at the same time as a man. Mohanji pointed at me smiling. I asked ‘me?’ And he shook his head yes. I stood up with jelly legs and grabbed the mic. I asked him if I needed to renounce to be closer to God and, long story short, he told me that I didn’t need to renounce and that I should take the path of kindness and compassion and not restrict myself. 

The Satsang ended and we all stood in line. I told my mother to please sneak some photos of him, and I also planned to ask him for one thing – a hug. When I stood in front of him, I didn’t know what to say and I stupidly said ‘I’ve been watching your videos…’ He cut me off and said ‘Did you understand the message?’ I said yes and he explained more. I tried my best to focus but I felt like I was burning being in front of him. To be honest, I can’t remember what he said. When he saw my mother walk over, I said that this is my mother and he said that he knew. They had a chat and when she left I asked him if I could hug him. We hugged and time left me. He told me he loved me and I was not sure if I should say it back. But I knew that I didn’t know when I would ever see him again. So I told him that I loved him too. He told me he is always with me. The photographers snapped our photos and I left without saying goodbye. 

That night in my dreams, I saw Mohanji. He was changing bodies. One second he was Mohanji and the next he was Sathya Sai Baba. I was confused and wanted him to stay as Mohanji! Following the meeting I was feeling as though if I connect to Mohanji, then I would be cheating on Sai Baba. And I didn’t want to lose such a deep connection with Baba. But I also loved Mohanji. I was confused. This was until my second Mai-Tri session, when I felt Sai Baba come. The practitioner then confirmed that Baba came and told her: ‘She’s connected to my consciousness. But she should listen to Mohanji now. I speak through him. I’m always with her.’ 

For some reason that message helped me a lot and I began to connect more with Mohanji. I also began wishing to go to India very badly. Two hours after telling my mom of my wish to go to Bangalore in March, I got a call from a Mohanji family member who asked me to join HSTY and that the in person training would happen in Bangalore in March. I felt that this is a dream coming true and I said yes! Before March came, I started to get inspired spontaneously and began making videos of Mohanji and his quotes.

One night I did a meditation that mentioned Lord Dattatreya and I asked Lord Datta and the Tradition to please protect me and also do something with me. I really wanted to have purpose and serve the tradition. Two hours later I got a message from a person who was part of the MyDattatreya team and she asked me to begin making videos for them. I agreed! I made a few of them and began to feel connected while making them. 

That same day, I was walking home and thinking to myself about how we shouldn’t be scared of negative entities. I started to cross the street without seeing that, behind a parked mail truck, a car was headed right towards me. I backed up and the woman quickly turned her steering wheel to not hit me. Instead of feeling guilty and thinking to myself about how I could  be so stupid, I began smiling. I felt a lot of peace and happiness inside. I knew then that Mohanji had saved my life. The next day I was reading about how the four Vedas took refuge in Lord Dattatreya because it’s said that when you ask him for protection, nothing in the three worlds can move a hair on your body. I really experienced this for myself. 

I started to become curious to learn more about Lord Dattatreya and saw Jack Barratt’s book – Avadhuta Gita! I told the MyDatta team that I was going to purchase it and one woman asked about doing live readings. I thought that she was talking to me and I agreed to do live readings. But she was talking to someone else! The person she was talking to agreed to do live readings with me and this sparked the MyDattatreya sadhana project, which has now turned into the ‘Into the Heart of Datta‘ sessions. 

A week before my flight to India, I was very nervous and wanted to ask God to please sit on the plane with me. But then I felt that I shouldn’t ask and I hesitated. A few days after having that thought, I went to my friend’s house. I didn’t know that she also had another friend over who I hadn’t seen in years. We spoke for a while about my trip to India and as I was getting ready to leave, the friend who I hadn’t seen looked at me and said: ‘Man, the way that you are brightening up, I feel like God is gonna sit next to you on that plane.’ I walked home smiling because I knew that I just got my answer. I told my friend who I was traveling to India with and we both were on the lookout for who would sit next to us on the plane. 

During the second plane ride from Doha to Bangalore, I had to sit away from my friend. I was between a man and a woman. My mind was restless. I was wondering why Baba won’t just tell me straight that he is sitting next to me! The man next to me kept quiet. All he did was say ‘Hi.’ It was getting cold on the plane and he gave me his hat. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. He then said to me ‘So, you are nervous?’ I told him yes and he asked me who I’m with and if I have a ride and place to go. I assured him I did and our interaction was minimal. When we got to Bangalore he told me to keep the hat. He got up and disappeared. I didn’t even notice him grab any luggage. When we stepped foot out of the airport I didn’t feel I’m in a foreign place. I was amazed by the buildings, the roads, everything. I kept thinking of Mohanji and I was yearning to see him very badly. I decided to send him a voice message saying I loved him but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him if I could see him.  

A week before we got to India, I was wishing to meet Devi Amma. I saw that she lives in Whitefield and I wondered if it was close to where we would be. I told my friend about this because we were going to spend one night at his cousin’s house in Whitefield. The next evening, after we landed he spontaneously told me that we have a meeting with Devi Amma and will meet her at 5pm! We saw her and I had nothing to say. I was happy and just kept staring at her. 

Later on, I read in the Sripada Srivallabha book that when one connects to Lord Datta, you can meet saints and visit holy places with little effort. After seeing Devi Amma, we headed to the ashram where the yoga training commenced and thus began the transformative retreat. 

A few days later we were told that we were going to skip class one evening and go to Mohanji’s ashram! I was in so much joy that I cried! When I saw Mohanji, I kneeled down and held his hands. We were smiling at each other like children and I said to him ‘I love you’ and he said ‘love you’ and he asked me to look at his altar. I saw it and I absolutely loved it. I sat down near him and a Satsang commenced. Between him answering questions he would look at me and smile. I can’t explain the feeling that this gave me. I spoke with him a lot and couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He looked so different than everyone else. I was sweating so much but I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. I was feeling so good to have this conversation with him. He then asked us to eat and asked me if I’m hungry. Even him directing me to where the food is and where the bathroom is I felt so cared and loved for. 

When the Satsang ended, we got to take a photo together and I held him. I started acting from the soul, without any thinking involved. I kissed his chest and at another point I think I kissed his cheek. We then got ready to take a group photo and he asked me to stand next to him. When the photo was taken we hugged and then he began hugging others. As he stood there I saw his hand and it was like his hand was a magnet for mine. I held his hand as he spoke with other people. I can’t explain the feeling this gave me. It was incredible. Then it came time to leave and we looked at each other and all I could say was ‘I love you very much’ and he smiled and said ‘I’m with you. Bless you.’ We got back to the ashram and continued with our training but I could not stop thinking of my evening with Mohanji.